| | joke joke(ayesha's Joke threads) | |
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+8che zenyaika Jhoanna tiagong_akyat Ayeshah daryll Ailou barbz 12 posters | |
Author | Message |
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barbz
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-03-19 Reputation : 0
| Subject: joke joke(ayesha's Joke threads) Fri Apr 04 2008, 17:41 | |
| Parishioner: Father bakit may nakasampay na daster, bra at panty sa may kumbento? may asawa ka?
Father: Kung aasa ako sa mga donasyon nyo, di ako mabubuhay! Tumatanggap akong labada! _____ GF: I'm warning you! darating na si daddy within 1 hour! BF: Eh ano ngayon? eh wala naman tayong ginagawang masama ah! GF: Kaya nga! kung may plano ka, DALIAN MO NA!! _____ Nun: I was raped... what shall i do? Mother Superior: Hir, take this calamansi. Nun: wil ds ease d pain? Mother Superior: sipsipin mo! ng mawala ngiti sa mukha mo , Bwiset!!! _____ Maid: Sir sinong mas yummy? si mam ba o ako? Sir: Syempre naman ikaw day! bakit? Maid: Naguguluhan lang po kasi ako eh... sabi kasi ng driver, eh mas yummy daw talaga si mam! _____ Wife: Dear, ano regalo mo sa 25th Anniversary natin? Husband: Dalhin kita sa Africa ... Wife: Wow! How sweet naman... eh! sa 50th Anniversary natin? Husband: Susunduin na kita! _____ BUS HINOLDAP! Holdaper: re-reypin ko lahat ng babae dito! Prosti: ako na lang po, maawa kayo sa iba.. Lola: Sinabi na ngang LAHAT eh! sasagot pa! gagang 'to! _____ Dalawang probinsyano sumakay sa elevator Gorio: magkano ibabayad natin? Andoy: tanga! inosente! bugok! stupid! bat ka magbabayad eh wala pa tayong tiket! _____ Pedro bumps a foreigner Pedro: ay sori Foreigner: sorry too Pedro: sori 3 Foreigner: what are you sorry for? Pedro: (kala mo bobo ako ha!) sori 5 Foreigner: i think you are sick! Pedro: hahahaha! sick daw, seven sunod! _____ Pedro: Pare bakit malungkot ka? Juan: Asawa ko nag hire ng driver, Gwapo, Bata, Macho! Pedro: Nagseselos ka? Juan: Nagtataka lang ako kasi wala kaming sasakyan! _____ Anak: Itay, bibili ako ng bond paper Itay: Anak, wag kang bobo ha? hindi "bond paper" ang tawag dun! Anak: Ano po ba? Itay: "Kokongban" _____ Women are physically stronger than men... Why? Because women can carry two mountains at a time! while men can carry only two eggs... Take Note! with the help of a bird pa! _____ Madre: Father, tell your seminarian not to urinate along the fence... Father: Sister naman, maliit na bagay lang papansinin mo pa... Madre: No Malalaki, Father.. Malalaki!Shocked ____ Alam mo ba kung bakit may sabaw ang balot? Kung Ikaw kaya ang ikulong sa shell... saan ka ji-jingle? Aber? Saan?? Sumagot kaaaa!!! SaaaAANNNNNNN ?!?!?! Angry _____ Juan: San ka galing? Pedro: sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko. Juan: E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo? Pedro: Mahirap ilibing eh... Lumalaban!! _____ Two nurses on duty... Nurse 1: Hoy! Gaga, bakit may thermometer sa tenga mo! Nurse 2: Ha? susmaryosep! kaninong pwet ko kaya naiwan yung ballpen ko!! Shocked _____ Hari: Ano gusto mong parusa? ipakain sa leon o pasukan ng bubuyog sa pwet? Pedro: Mas gugustuhin ko pong pasukan ng bubuyog sa pwet. Hari: Mga kawal! ilabas si Jollibee! | |
| | | Ailou
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-01-21 Reputation : 129
| | | | daryll
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-01-29 Reputation : 18
| Subject: Re: joke joke(ayesha's Joke threads) Sun Apr 06 2008, 14:36 | |
| _____ Wife: Dear, ano regalo mo sa 25th Anniversary natin? Husband: Dalhin kita sa Africa ... Wife: Wow! How sweet naman... eh! sa 50th Anniversary natin? Husband: Susunduin na kita! _____ Pedro bumps a foreigner Pedro: ay sori Foreigner: sorry too Pedro: sori 3 Foreigner: what are you sorry for? Pedro: (kala mo bobo ako ha!) sori 5 Foreigner: i think you are sick! Pedro: hahahaha! sick daw, seven sunod! ____ Juan: San ka galing? Pedro: sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko. Juan: E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo? Pedro: Mahirap ilibing eh... Lumalaban!! ____ Two nurses on duty... Nurse 1: Hoy! Gaga, bakit may thermometer sa tenga mo! Nurse 2: Ha? susmaryosep! kaninong pwet ko kaya naiwan yung ballpen ko!! Shocked natatawa ako lalo na siya biyenan na joke! | |
| | | daryll
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-01-29 Reputation : 18
| Subject: Re: joke joke(ayesha's Joke threads) Sun Apr 06 2008, 14:40 | |
| [quote="daryll"]_____
Wife: Dear, ano regalo mo sa 25th Anniversary natin?
Husband: Dalhin kita sa Africa ...
Wife: Wow! How sweet naman... eh! sa 50th Anniversary natin?
Husband: Susunduin na kita! _____
Pedro bumps a foreigner
Pedro: ay sori
Foreigner: sorry too
Pedro: sori 3
Foreigner: what are you sorry for?
Pedro: (kala mo bobo ako ha!) sori 5
Foreigner: i think you are sick!
Pedro: hahahaha! sick daw, seven sunod! ____ Juan: San ka galing?
Pedro: sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.
Juan: E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo?
Pedro: Mahirap ilibing eh... Lumalaban!! ____
Two nurses on duty...
Nurse 1: Hoy! Gaga, bakit may thermometer sa tenga mo!
Nurse 2: Ha? susmaryosep! kaninong pwet ko kaya naiwan yung ballpen
ko!! Shocked nakakatawa lalo na ang tungkol sa biyenan...hahahaha! :singing: | |
| | | Ayeshah
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-04-07 Reputation : 0
| Subject: Re: joke joke(ayesha's Joke threads) Mon Apr 07 2008, 10:35 | |
| Anak: Itay, bibili ako ng bond paper
Itay: Anak, wag kang bobo ha? hindi "bond paper" ang tawag dun!
Anak: Ano po ba?
Itay: "Kokongban"
hahaha hahaha i like this one | |
| | | Ayeshah
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-04-07 Reputation : 0
| Subject: juk Tue Apr 15 2008, 14:59 | |
| Isang araw na naglilinis ang katulong ng bigla na lang na nag-ring ang telepono. Amo: paki sagot nga Inday ang telepono? Katulong: Yis sir Katulong: Hello - hello - hello (walang marinig na boses kasi baligtad ang hawak sa mouthpiece ) Amo: Napansin ng amo na baligtad kaya sabi niya na BALIGTARIN MO Katulong: LLO - HE - LLO-HE - LLO- HE Amo : (galit na galit na) Hindi yan, ang ibig kong sabihin na baligtarin mo yung TELEPHONE... Katulong : PHONE-TELE , PHONE-TELE , PHONE-TELE... | |
| | | Guest Guest
| Subject: Re: joke joke(ayesha's Joke threads) Tue Apr 15 2008, 17:01 | |
| |
| | | tiagong_akyat
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-03-18 Reputation : 9
| Subject: Re: joke joke(ayesha's Joke threads) Tue Apr 15 2008, 19:01 | |
| tnx 4 sharing | |
| | | barbz
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-03-19 Reputation : 0
| Subject: Re: joke joke(ayesha's Joke threads) Wed Apr 16 2008, 05:54 | |
| | |
| | | Guest Guest
| Subject: Re: joke joke(ayesha's Joke threads) Wed Apr 16 2008, 10:18 | |
| ah-ah-ah-ah |
| | | Jhoanna
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-01-20 Reputation : 49
| Subject: Re: joke joke(ayesha's Joke threads) Wed Apr 16 2008, 11:06 | |
| luka lukang katulong! maraming salamat po! | |
| | | zenyaika
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-01-23 Reputation : 3
| Subject: Re: joke joke(ayesha's Joke threads) Wed Apr 16 2008, 12:19 | |
| ha ha | |
| | | che
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-01-23 Reputation : 0
| | | | Ayeshah
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-04-07 Reputation : 0
| Subject: hahaha Mon Apr 21 2008, 09:09 | |
| NANAY: hala! sige layas! huwag na huwag mo na akong tatawaging nanay at hindi na rin kita ituturing na anak! magkalimutan na tayo! ANAK: sige friend! alis nako! ciao!
___________________________________ _____________________________
isang pinoy nagpropose sa pinay na minamahal... upang mapasagot ang babae pinaghandaan niyang mabuti ang kanyang sasabihin
___________________________________ _____________________________
BOY: will you be my wedding? GIRL: hahahaha BOY: what's laughing? GIRL: wrong gramming!!
___________________________________ _____________________________
BOY1: pare! nakakaawa naman yung lola mo. BOY2: bakit naman? BOY1: nakasabay ko kasi magsimba noong isang araw, ubo ng ubo, pinagtitinginan tuloy ng mga tao BOY2: ahh yun ba? papansinn lang yun!.. bago kasi blouse niya! ;p
______
GUY1: pare, nagaway kami ng girlfriend ko GUY2: bakit naman? GUY1: she asked for a gift. kahit ano raw basta may diamond GUY2: yun naman pala ea! ano ba niregalo mo?
GUY1: baraha!
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TATAY: anak, ibili natin ng tuyo yang pera mo ANAK: ayoko nga, pambibili ko ito ng yoyo TATAY: bakit?! nakakain ba yang yoyo? ANAK: bakit?! umiikot ba yang tuyo?
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BOY: susungkitin ko ang mga bituin at ibibigay ko sa iyo GIRL: anu? hindi mo nga masungkit yang kulangot mo ea BOY: ay sorry!!.. hindi ko kasi alam na gusto mo rin 2
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suso at pagong nagkabungguan..
SUSO: ano nangyari? T_T PAGONG: hindi ko alam, masyadong mabilis ang mga pangyayari
_____
PIOLO: i just need 5 thing to live..
some friends.. some food.. some work.. some love..
and..
some milby!., hay! i love him!
______
kagabi, nakahiga ako sa kama at nakatingin sa langit habang binibilang ang mga bituin
mayamaya... naisip ko...
aruy!.. nasaan na yung bubong namin?!
_______ | |
| | | Ayeshah
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-04-07 Reputation : 0
| Subject: joke joke Mon Apr 21 2008, 09:13 | |
| kung cnu man po, ang nakakakilala, kay MAHAL! pag pray po, natin sya, she's in critical condition nasa ICU sya!....
nasagasaan siya, ng TAMIYA!
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fastfood crew: ano po order niyo? man: 1 large burger ang large softdrink. crew:dito niyo po kakainin? manwede ba sa table nalang? nakakahiya, may nakapila pa.
_________
prayer ng mga kikay:
"in the name of the powder, and of the blush-on & of the glossy lipstick
salamen. "
__________
LIVER AND CHEESE A Filipino, a Black man, and a White guy are in a bar having a drink. When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, "Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight."
So the White guy says "I love liver and cheese." She says "That's not good enough" The Black man says "I hate liver and cheese" She says "That's not creative" Finally, the Filipino says "Liver alone, cheese mine!"
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Ama: Kumusta ang pag-aaral mo? Anak: Nag-lesson at test po kami tungkol sa mga manok? Ama: Ano, madali ba? Anak: Chicken na chicken! Ama: Anong grade mo? Anak: Itlog po.
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Young lady to the new parish priest: LADY: Father, ang cute mo, bakit pumayag kang mag-pari? PRIEST: Ayaw kasi pumayag ni mama na mag-MADRE ako!
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Erap in a war with MILF
Erap: Sumuko na kayo!!
MILF: Susuko lang kami pag na-spell mo ang ceasefire!
Erap: Tuloy ang laban! Durugin sila! Padadalhan ko kayo ng chrysanthemum sa burol nyo!
MILF: Spell chrysanthemum!
Erap: Sabi ko rose!! Bingi!!
________
sa buS:
boy: i hate it when I see a girl standing in abus when i am comfortably seated...
girL: so what do you do?
boy: i just sleep, it hurts my feelings eh.
_________
pacquiao: honey, buksan mo na yung sweets. jinky: nasan honey? ang lambing mo naman, may pasalubong ka pa sa akin! pacquiao: yung sweets ng ilaw! ang dilim kaya! | |
| | | Ayeshah
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-04-07 Reputation : 0
| Subject: hihihihi Mon Apr 21 2008, 09:18 | |
| Boy1: Friendship! Bakit parang ang puti ng mukha mo ngayon? Boy2: Helleeer!! FOUNDATION DAY kaya ngayon! Duh?!
_________
Bunso: Inay, tingnan niyo po drawing ko ohh!
Inay: wow! ang galing namang mag-drawing ng monkey ng bunso ko..
Bunso: Inay..kayo po yan! I Love you po!
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sabi ng puso ko, mahal ko siya..
sabi ng utak ko, wag! hindi yan tama..
sabi ko naman..
oh baka yung atay, bituka, kidney e gusto ding mag comment?
mga pakelamero!
__________
nkakita knb ng whte lady s balete?
o matusok ng ice pick s pglakad s tondo?
nka pik-up knb ng prosti s quez0n ave.?
npg 3pan ng TBS s sampaloc
o mpa-rambol s sta. ana?
ndukutan knb s dvis0ria.?
o nai-snatchan ng bag s letre.?
nah0ldup knb s recto?
o maagawan ng celfone s m0numento?
tara na.! byahe tayo! kay ganda ng PILIPINAS
__________
kahit nasasaktan ang isang tao..
pinipili pa rin niya magmahal!
bakit?!
sus! nagtanong pa..
syempre..
Malandi eh!..
__________
3 vampires having dinner:
ung rich umorder ng fresh blood..
ung middle class umorder ng dinuguan..
ung mahirap: "waiter! mainit na tubig na lang! may napulot akong napkin mgtsatsaa na lang ako"...
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GMA and her family riding an airplane..
GMA: what if i throw 1 chek worth a million pesos out of d window to make at least one filipino happy?? Mike A.: honey, why not throw 2 cheks worth half a million to make 2 filipinos happy?? Luli A.: mom, why not throw 4 cheks worth quarter a million to make 4 filipinos happy?? Finaly, her granddaughter spoke:
grandma, why nto simply throw yourself out of the window to make ALL filipinos happy??
____________
Girl: judge, nirape po ako dun sa libary
Judge: Aba, naman! Daming tao sa library di ka sumigaw??
G: haller.?!! May nakasulat po kyang "Silence Please"
____________
sa jeep...
pasahero: manong, hindi pa ba tau aalis?
driver: maya maya pa, wala pang laman.
pasahero: anong tawag niyo sa akin? sabaw??! | |
| | | Ayeshah
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-04-07 Reputation : 0
| Subject: masaya to! Mon Apr 21 2008, 09:23 | |
| 1day in d garden of eden... EVE: Adam, do u rili luv me? ADAM: no, not rili! EVE: den y did u make love 2me? ADAM: Heller!... ..as if i had a choice!
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mga bisaya'y d ko maintindihan inglis ng isda, pis
ng mukha,pis
ng pandikit,pis
ng kpyapaan,pis
tnnong p ko kung sn ako nktira
Pis 1 o Pis 2?
Pisting buhay to!
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KUBA:tinutukso nila akong kuba! makapag aral nga ng karate!
5 months later
FRN:galing mo ng mag karate ahh? ano tinutukso ka parin b nlang kuba?
KUBA:hindi na.
ninja turtle na..!
_________
Lumubog ang barko!
Patay lahat ng tao sa taas!
kuba lng ang naiwan!
Kuba: Halika pating, kainin moko!
Pating: Wag mokong lokohin! Hindi ako t*nga! Pawikan ka!!
_________
Jinggoy nasa kotse: Jinggoy: dad, labas ka nga. tignan mo fog lights kung gumagana. Erap : Gumagana anak. Jinggoy: tignan mo nga yung headlights kung gumagana. Erap : Gumagana anak. Jinggoy: tignan mo naman yung turn signal kung gumagana. Erap : Gumagana, ay hinde, ay gumagana, ay hinde, ay gumagana,ay hinde..
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ERAP SA PIZZA HUT WAITER: sir, do you want me to cut your pizza into 4 slices or 8 slices? ERAP: into four na lang, masyadong marami yung eight. di ko mauubos.
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Teacher: Juan, read your 500-word essay Juan: Okay mam!Ü
My muning, bow! i have a muning! My muning`s lost, so i went outside the house to look for my muning.
MUNING(478 times)
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Sa tindahan.. Bata: Ate may load kayo? Tindera: Meron. Bata: PATEXT NGA.
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tumawag si juan sa POSO NEGRO SERVICES..
juan: hello, good afternoon, manong humihigop ba kayo ng poso negro? servicer: opo sir, bakit po? juan: masarap ba??.
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graduation speech:
a fleasance afternoon to all, to me, to you, we, they, and eveyone. two night, i am graduation. and im froud of myselves. i invitation you all to our house because i knew, someday that i will ate your house too... i will die ten chicken to eat you all and i will ask my father to cook my mother. i expected that you was to go our houses as soon as possible. thanks you!
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may isang mangyan sa jollibee...
mangyan: pabili nga ng pulot. boy:wala ditong pulot. mangyan:kayabangan mo! laking laki ng bubuyog sa labas wala kayong pulot! | |
| | | Guest Guest
| Subject: Re: joke joke(ayesha's Joke threads) Mon Apr 21 2008, 09:34 | |
| graduation speech: a fleasance afternoon to all, to me, to you, we, they, and eveyone. two night, i am graduation. and im froud of myselves. i invitation you all to our house because i knew, someday that i will ate your house too... i will die ten chicken to eat you all and i will ask my father to cook my mother. i expected that you was to go our houses as soon as possible. thanks you! oley!!! thnkz 4 sharing sis :rolling: |
| | | Ayeshah
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-04-07 Reputation : 0
| Subject: joke joke joke Mon Apr 21 2008, 09:36 | |
| Airplane Crashes in Batangas
An airplane crashed at a town in Batangas.
MEDIA: Manong, pakilarawan po ang nangyari.
LOLO: Ala eh, nakow, garne ga utoy... Kakaalmusal ko laang, gayak ako'y sisinsay sa kahanggan, ay natan-awan ko yaan sa alapaap ay nagsisilab. Bago sumirok ng papagay-on na kala mo'y papatak. Ginagaling na laang at sa sukalang are sumugba, ay kung sa kabayanan ga, ay di panay mga utas!
MEDIA: Ho?
Vehicular Accident in Batangas
MEDIA: 'Lo, kayo daw po'ng saksi?
LOLO: Ay uwo! Ika'y pumarne dine sa silong. Kung ako pa naman ang dadais sa iyo para magsalaysay ay sulong!
MEDIA: 'Sensya na po sa abala.
LOLO: Ako'y naka-ungkot laang dine at karakaraka'y ako'y nagitla sa busina. May mag-inang hasing-hasi pa ng paghihikap ay gab-eng gab-e na! Bakingga aring dyip ay saksakan ng tulin? Ay di ako'y palakat na sa mag-inang di naiingli! Aba'y maiipit na'y naka-umis pa! Kainaman! Hayown! Sa pag-iwas ng dyip ay sumalya sa tarangka, tiklap ang tapaludung lasa ko'y kawangki ng nilamukos na kiche. Pagkakabugnot ng drayber! Ngalngal e!
MEDIA: Ano raw?
Another Lesson: Do not do unto others, what you don't want others to do unto you"
Batangenyo Translation: "Huwag kayong gay-an.. kung maggagay-an kayo, huwag gay-on"
kainaman naman talaga.. Ay siya have a good day na laang.
NOTE:
Sa lahat ng mga batanguenio d2. Pakitranslate naman.. | |
| | | Guest Guest
| Subject: Re: joke joke(ayesha's Joke threads) Mon Apr 21 2008, 09:39 | |
| grandma, why nto simply throw yourself out of the window to make ALL filipinos happy??
wahhhh!!! agree!!!! sana nga!!! siguradong maraming masasayahan na mamayan!!! :rolling: thnkz sis :rolling: |
| | | Guest Guest
| | | | barbz
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-03-19 Reputation : 0
| Subject: Re: joke joke(ayesha's Joke threads) Mon Apr 21 2008, 09:47 | |
| | |
| | | barbz
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-03-19 Reputation : 0
| Subject: Re: joke joke(ayesha's Joke threads) Mon Apr 21 2008, 09:48 | |
| | |
| | | barbz
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-03-19 Reputation : 0
| Subject: Re: joke joke(ayesha's Joke threads) Mon Apr 21 2008, 09:54 | |
| | |
| | | barbz
Gender : Date Joined : 2008-03-19 Reputation : 0
| Subject: Re: joke joke(ayesha's Joke threads) Mon Apr 21 2008, 09:58 | |
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